Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Script - Dialogue Transcript

Narrator

This is a story of an ordinary little boy named Charlie Bucket. He was not faster or stronger or more clever than other children. His family was not rich, or powerful, or well-connected. In fact, they barely had enough to eat. Charlie Bucket was the luckiest boy in the entire world. He just didn't know it yet.

Mr Bucket

Evening, Buckets.

Grandpa Joe

Evening.

Charlie

Hi, Dad.

Mrs Bucket

Soup's almost ready, darling. Er, don't suppose there's anything extra to put in, love. Oh well. Nothing goes better with cabbage than cabbage.

Mr Bucket

Charlie... I found something I think you'll like.

Narrator

Charlie's father worked at the local toothpaste factory. The hours were long, and the pay was terrible... yet occasionally there were unexpected surprises.

Charlie

It's exactly what I need.

Grandpa Joe

What is it, Charlie?

Charlie

Dad found it, just the piece I needed.

Grandpa Joe

What piece was it?

Charlie

A head for Willy Wonka.

Grandma Josephine

Well, how wonderful.

Grandpa Joe

It's quite a likeness.

Charlie

You think so?

Grandpa Joe

Think so? I know so. I saw Willy Wonka with my own two eyes. I used to work for him, you know.

Charlie

You did?

Grandpa Joe

I did?

Grandma Josephine

He did.

Grandpa George

He did.

Grandma Georgina

I love grapes.

Grandpa Joe

Of course, I was a much younger man in those days. Willy Wonka began with a single store on Cherry Street. But the whole world wanted his candy. Mr Wonka.

Willy Wonka

Yeah?

Grandpa Joe

We need more Wonka bars and we're out of chocolate birds.

Willy Wonka

Birds? Birds. Well then, we'll need to make some more. Here. Now open.

Grandpa Joe

The man was a genius. Did you know, he invented a new way of making chocolate ice cream, so that it stays cols for hours without a freezer? You can even leave it lying in the sun on a hot day, and it won't go runny.

Charlie

But that's impossible.

Grandpa Joe

But Willy Wonka did it. Before long, he decided to build a proper chocolate factory. The largest chocolate factory in history. Fifty times as big as any other.

Charlie

Grandpa, don't make it gross.

Grandma Josephine

Tell him about the Indian prince. He'd like to hear about that.

Grandpa Joe

You mean Prince Pondicherry? Well, Prince Pondicherry wrote a letter to Mr Wonka and asked him to come all the way out to India and build him a colossal palace entirely out of chocolate.

Willy Wonka

It will have one hundred rooms, and everything will be made of either dark or light chocolate.

Grandpa Joe

True to his word, the bricks were chocolate and the cement holding them together was chocolate. All the walls and ceilings were made of chocolate as well. So were the carpets and the pictures, and the furniture.

Prince Pondicherry

It is perfect in every way.

Willy Wonka

Yeah, but it won't last long. You better start eating right now.

Prince Pondicherry

Oh, nonsense. I will not eat my palace. I intend to live in it.

Grandpa Joe

But Mr Wonka was right, of course. Soon after this, there came a very hot day with a boiling sun. the prince sent and urgent telegram requesting a new palace, but Willy Wonka was facing problems of his own. All the other chocolate makers, you see, had grown jealous of Mr Wonka. They began sending in spies to steal his secret recipes. Ficklegruber started making an ice cream that would never melt. Prodnose came out with a chewing gum that never lost its flavour. Then Slugworth began making candy balloons that you could blow up to incredible sizes. The thievery got so bad that one day, without warning Mr Wonka told every single one of his workers to go home. He announced that he was closing his chocolate factory for ever.

Willy Wonka

I'm closing my chocolate factory. . . for ever. I'm sorry.

Charlie

But it didn't close for ever. It's open right now.

Mrs Bucket

Ah, yes. Well, sometimes when grown-ups say 'for ever', they mean 'a very long time'.

Grandpa George

Such as, 'I feel like I've eaten nothing but cabbage soup for ever'.

Mr Bucket

Now, Pops.

Grandma Josephine

The factory did close, Charlie.

Grandpa Joe

And it seemed like it was going to be closed for ever. Then one day we saw smoke rising from the chimneys. The factory was back in business.

Charlie

Did you get your job back?

Grandpa Joe

No. No one did.

Charlie

But there must be people working there.

Grandma Josephine

Think about it, Charlie. Have you ever seen a single person going into that factory, or coming out of it?

Charlie

No. The gates are always closed.

Grandpa Joe

Exactly.

Charlie

But then, who's running the machines?

Mrs Bucket

Nobody knows, Charlie.

Mr Bucket

It certainly is a mystery.

Charlie

Hasn't someone asked Mr Wonka?

Grandpa Joe

Nobody sees him anymore. He never comes out. The only thing that comes out of that place, is the candy. . . already packed and addressed. I'd give anything in the world just to go in one more time, and see what's become of that amazing factory.

Grandpa George

Well, you won't, because you can't. no one can. It's a mystery and it will always be a mystery. That little factory of yours, Charlie, is as close as any of us is ever going to get.

Mrs Bucket

Come on, Charlie. I think it's time we let your grandparents get some sleep.

Charlie

Good night, Grandpa George.

Grandpa George

Night, Charlie.

Charlie

Night-night.

Grandma Josephine

Night-night.

Mrs Bucket

Chair.

Mr Bucket

Thank you, dear.

Charlie

Night, Grandpa Joe. Good night, Grandma Georgina.

Grandma Georgina

Nothing's impossible, Charlie.

Charlie

Good night.

All

Night, Charlie.

Mrs Bucket

Sleep well.

Narrator

Indeed, that very night, the impossible had already been set in motion.

Willy Wonka (voice)

Dear people of the world. . . I, Willy Wonka, have decided to allow five children to visit my factory this year. In addition, one of these children shall receive a special prize beyond anything you could ever imagine.

Newscaster

Five golden tickets have been hidden under the ordinary wrapping paper of five ordinary Wonka bars. These five candy bars may be anywhere. . . in any shop, in any street, in any town, in any country in the world.

Grandpa Joe

Wouldn't it be something, Charlie, to open a bar of candy and find a golden ticket inside?

Charlie

I know, but I only get one bar a year, for my birthday.

Mrs Bucket

Well, it's your birthday next week.

Grandma Josephine

You have as much chance as anybody does.

Grandpa George

Balderdash. The kids who're going to find the golden tickets are the ones who can afford to buy candy bars every day. Our Charlie gets only one a year. He doesn't have a chance.

Grandma Josephine

Everyone has a chance, Charlie.

Grandpa George

Mark my words, the kid who finds the first ticket will be fat, fat, fat.

Press Man

Augustus.

Press Woman

This way.

Augustus

I am eating the Wonka bar and I taste something, that is not chocolate. . . or coconut. . . or walnut, or peanut butter. . . or nougat. . . or butter brittle, or caramel, or sprinkles. So I look and, I find the golden ticket.

Press Man

Augustus, how did you celebrate?

Augustus

I eat more candy.

Mrs Gloop

We knew Augustus would find the golden ticket. He eats so many candy bars a day that it was not possible for him not to find one.

Press Man

Yes, it is good, Augustus. Zehr gut.

Voice on Television

. . .golden ticket claimed and only four more. . .

Grandpa George

Told you it'd be a porker.

Grandma Josephine

What a repulsive boy.

Charlie

Only four golden tickets left.

Grandpa Joe

Now that they've found one, things will get really crazy.

Voice on Television

. . .of every shape, size and hue.

Press Man

Veruca. Can you spell that for us, please?

Veruca

V-E-R-U-C-A. Veruca Salt.

Mr Salt

Soon as my little Veruca told me she had to have one of these golden tickets, I started buying up all the Wonka bars I could lay my hands on. Thousands of them. Hundreds of thousands. I'm in the nut business, you see. So I say to my workers, "Morning, ladies. From now on you can stop shelling peanuts and start shelling the wrappers off these chocolate bars instead." Three days went by and we had no luck. Oh, it was terrible. My little Veruca got more and more upset each day.

Veruca

Where's my golden ticket? I want my golden ticket!

Mr Salt

Well, gentlemen, I just hated to see my little girl feeling unhappy like that. I vowed I would keep up the search until I could give her what she wanted. And finally, I found her a ticket.

Veruca

Daddy, I want another pony.

Grandpa George

She's even worse than the fat boy.

Charlie

I don't think that was really fair. She didn't find the ticket herself.

Grandpa Joe

Don't worry about it, Charlie. That man spoils his daughter. And no good ever comes from spoiling a child like that.

Mr Bucket

Charlie, your Mum and I thought. . . maybe you wanna open your birthday present tonight.

Mrs Bucket

Here you are.

Charlie

Maybe I should wait till morning.

Grandpa George

Like hell.

Mr Bucket

Pop.

Grandpa Joe

All together, we're three hundred and eighty-one years old. We don't wait.

Mrs Bucket

Now, Charlie, you mustn't feel too disappointed, you know, if you don't get the. . .

Mr Bucket

Whatever happens, you'll still have the candy.

Grandpa Joe

Ah, well. That's that.

Charlie

We'll share it.

Grandpa Joe

Oh, no, Charlie. Not your birthday present.

Charlie

It's my candy bar, and I'll do what I want with it.

Mrs Bucket

Thank you, darling.

Mr Bucket

Thank you, Charlie.

Grandma Josephine

Bless you.

Grandpa Joe

All right, let's see who found it.

Mr Bucket

The third ticket was found by Miss Violet Beauregarde.

Mrs Beauregarde

These are just some of the two hundred and sixty-three trophies and medals my Violet has won.

Violet

I'm a gum chewer, mostly, but when I heard about these ticket things I laid off the gum, switched to candy bars.

Mrs Beauregarde

She's just a driven young woman. I don't know where she gets it.

Violet

I'm the Junior World Champion Gum Chewer. This piece of gum, I'm chewing right at this moment, I've been working on for three months solid. That's a record.

Mrs Beauregarde

Of course, I did have my share of trophies, mostly baton.

Violet

So it says that one kid's gonna get this special prize, better than all the rest. I don't care who those other four are. That kid, it's gonna be me.

Mrs Beauregarde

Tell them why, Violet.

Violet (on TV)

Because I'm a winner.

Grandma Josephine

What a beastly girl.

Grandma Georgina

Despicable.

Grandpa George

You don't know what we're talking about.

Grandma Georgina

Dragonflies?

Man on TV

But wait, this is just in. The fourth golden ticket has been found by a boy called Mike Teavee.

Mike

All you had to do was track the manufacturing dates, offset by the weather and the derivative of the Nikkei Index. A retard could figure it out.

Mr Teavee

Most of the time I don't know what he's talking about. You know, kids these days, what with all the technology. . .

Mike

Die! Die! Die!

Mr Teavee

Doesn't seem like they stay kids very long.

Mike

In the end, I only had to buy one candy bar.

Press Man

And how did it taste?

Mike

I don't know. I hate chocolate.

Grandpa George

Well, it's a good thing you're going to a chocolate factory, you ungrateful little. . .

Man on TV

That question is, who will be the winner of the last gold. . .

Charlie

Dad?

Mr Bucket

Yes, Charlie?

Charlie

Why aren't you at work?

Mr Bucket

Oh, well, er, the toothpaste factory thought they'd give me a bit of time off.

Charlie

Like summer vacation?

Mr Bucket

Sure. Something like that.

Narrator

In fact, it wasn't like a vacation at all. The upswing in candy sales had led to a rise in cavities, which led to a rise in toothpaste sales. With the extra money, the factory had decided to modernise, eliminating Mr Bucket's job.

Mr Bucket

We were barely making ends meet as it was.

Mrs Bucket

You'll find another job. Until then, I'll just, um. . . Well, I'll just thin down the soup a little more. Don't worry, Mr Bucket, our luck will change. I know it.

Grandpa Joe

Charlie. My secret hoard. You and I, are going to have one more fling. . . at finding that last ticket.

Charlie

Are you sure you want to spend your money on that, Grandpa?

Grandpa Joe

Of course I'm sure. Here. Run down to the nearest store, and buy the first Wonka candy bar you see. Bring it straight back, and we'll open it together. Such a good boy, really. Ah, such a good. . .

Charlie

Grandpa? You fell asleep.

Grandpa Joe

Have you got it? Which end should we open first?

Charlie

Just do it quick, like a band-aid.

Man 1

Did you see that some kid in Russia found the last golden ticket?

Man 2

Yes, it was in the paper this morning.

Man 1

Good boy. Come on George. Good boy.

Charlie

One Wonka Whipple-Scrumptious Fudgemallow Delight, please.

Shopkeeper

Okay. Here.

Woman 1

The nerve of some people.

Shopkeeper

I know. Forging a ticket. Come on. It's a golden ticket. You found Wonka's last golden ticket. In my shop too!

Man

Listen. I'll buy it from you. I'll give you fifty dollars, and a new bicycle.

Woman 2

Are you crazy? I'd give him five-hundred dollars for that ticket. You wanna sell me your ticket for five-hundred dollars, young man?

Shopkeeper

That's enough of that. Leave the kid alone. Listen, don't let anyone have it. Take it straight home. You understand?

Charlie

Thank you. Mom! Dad! I found it! The last golden ticket! It's mine!

Grandpa Joe

Yippee! Here. Read it aloud. Let's hear exactly what it says.

Mr Bucket

'Greetings to you, the lucky finder of this golden ticket, from Mr Willy Wonka. I shake you warmly by the hand. For now, I do invite you to come to my factory and be my guest for one whole day.'

Violet

'I, Willy Wonka, will conduct you around the factory myself, showing you everything there is to see.'

Augustus

'Afterwards, when it is time to leave, you will be escorted home by a procession of large trucks, each filled with all the chocolate you could ever eat.'

Veruca

'And remember, one of you lucky five children will receive an extra prize beyond your wildest imagination. Now, here are your instructions.'

Mike

'On the first of February, you must come to the factory gates at ten a.m. sharp. You're allowed to bring one member of your family to look after you. Until then, Willy Wonka.'

Mrs Bucket

The first of February. But that's tomorrow.

Grandpa Joe

Then there's not a moment to lose. Wash your face, comb your hair, scrub your hands, brush your teeth, blow your nose.

Grandpa George

And get that mud off your pants.

Mrs Bucket

Now we must all try and keep very calm. First thing that we have to decide is this: Who is going, with Charlie, to the factory?

Grandpa Joe

I will. I'll take him. You leave it to me.

Mrs Bucket

How about you, dear? Don't you think you ought to go?

Mr Bucket

Well, Grandpa Joe seems to know more about it than we do. . . Provided, of course, he feels well enough.

Grandpa Joe

Yippee!

Charlie

No. We're not going. A woman offered me five-hundred dollars for the ticket. I bet someone else would pay more. We need the money more than we need the chocolate.

Grandpa George

Young man, come here. There's plenty of money out there. They print more every day. But this ticket, there's only five of them in the whole world, and that's all there's ever going to be. Only a dummy would give this up for something as common as money. Are you a dummy?

Charlie

No, sir.

Grandpa George

Then get that mud off your pants. You've got a factory to go to.

Veruca

Daddy, I want to go in.

Mr Salt

It's nine-fifty-nine, sweetheart.

Veruca

Make time go faster.

Charlie

Do you think Mr Wonka will recognise you?

Grandpa Joe

Hard to say. It's been years.

Mrs Beauregarde

Eyes on the prize, Violet. Eyes on the prize.

Willy Wonka (voice)

Please enter. Come forward. Close the gates. Dear visitors, it is my great pleasure to welcome you to my humble factory. And who am I? Well. . .

Puppet Song

Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, The amazing chocolatier. Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, Everybody give a cheer! Hooray! He's modest, clever and so smart, He barely can restrain it. With so much generosity, there is no way to contain it! To contain it! To contain, to contain, to contain! Hooray! Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, He's the one that you're about to meet. Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka, He's the genius who just can't be beat. The magician and the chocolate whiz. The best darn guy who ever lived. Willy Wonka, here he is! The amazing chocolatier.

Willy Wonka

Wasn't that just magnificent? I was worried it was getting a little dodgy in the middle part, but then that finale. . . Wow!

Violet

Who are you?

Grandpa Joe

He's Willy Wonka.

Charlie

Really?

Willy Wonka

Good morning, starshine. The earth says hello. Dear guests, greetings. Welcome to the factory. I shake you warmly by the hand. My name is Willy Wonka.

Veruca

Then shouldn't you be up there?

Willy Wonka

Well, I couldn't very well watch the show from up there, now, could I, little girl?

Grandpa Joe

Mr Wonka, I don't know if you'll remember me, but I used to work here in the factory.

Willy Wonka

Were you one of those despicable spies who every day tried to steal my life's work and sell it to those parasitic copy-cat, candy making cads?

Grandpa Joe

No, sir.

Willy Wonka

Then wonderful. Welcome back. Let's get a move on, kids.

Augustus

Don't you want to know our names?

Willy Wonka

Can't imagine how it would matter. Come quickly. For too much to see. Just drop your coats anywhere.

Mr Teavee

Mr Wonka? Sure is toasty in here.

Willy Wonka

What? Oh, yeah. I have to keep it warm in here, because my workers are used to an extremely hot climate. They just can't stand the cold.

Charlie

Who are the workers?

Willy Wonka

All in good time. Now. . .

Violet

Mr Wonka, I'm Violet Beauregarde.

Willy Wonka

Oh? I don't care.

Violet

Well, you should care. Because I'm the girl that's gonna win the special prize at the end.

Willy Wonka

Well, you do seem confident, and confidence is key.

Veruca

I'm Veruca Salt. It's very nice to meet you, sir.

Willy Wonka

I always thought that a veruca was a type of wart you got on the bottom of your foot. Ha!

Augustus

I'm Augustus Gloop. I love your chocolate.

Willy Wonka

I can see that. So do I. I never expected to have so much in common. You. . . you're Mike Teavee. You're the little devil who cracked the system. And you. Well, you're just lucky to be here, aren't you? And the rest of you must be their. . .

Mr Salt

Parents.

Willy Wonka

Yeah. Moms and dads. Dad? Papa? Okay, then. Let's move along.

Augustus

Would you like some chocolate?

Charlie

Sure.

Augustus

Then you should have brought some.

Veruca

Let's be friends.

Violet

Best friends.

Willy Wonka

An important room, this. After all, it is a chocolate factory.

Mike

Then why is the door so small?

Willy Wonka

That's to keep all the great big chocolaty flavour inside. Now, do be careful, me dear children. Don't lose your heads. Don't get overexcited. Just keep very calm.

Charlie

It's beautiful.

Willy Wonka

What? Oh, yeah, it's very beautiful. Every drop of the river, is hot, melted chocolate of the finest quality. The waterfall is most important. Mixes the chocolate. Churns it up. Makes it light and frothy. By the way... no other factory in the world, mixes it's chocolate by waterfall, my dear children. And you can take that to the bank. People. Those pipes... suck up the chocolate, and carry it away, all over the factory. Thousands of gallons an hour. Yeah. And do you like my meadow? Try some of my grass. Please have a blade. Please do. It's so delectable and so darn good-looking.

Charlie

You can eat the grass?

Willy Wonka

Of course you can. Everything in this room is edible. Even I'm edible. But that is called cannibalism, my dear children, and is, in fact frowned upon in most societies. Yeah. Enjoy. Go on. Scoot, scoot.

Mr Teavee

Son. Please.

Mike

Dad, he said, 'enjoy'.

Charlie

Why hold onto it? Why not just start a new piece?

Violet

Because then I wouldn't be a champion. I'd be a loser, like you.

Veruca

Daddy, look over there. What is it? It's a little person. Over there, by the waterfall.

Mrs Beauregarde

There's two of them.

Mr Teavee

There's more than two.

Mrs Gloop

Where do they come from?

Charlie

Who are they?

Mike

Are they real people?

Willy Wonka

Of course they're real people. They're Oompa-Loompas.

Mr Salt

Oompa-Loompas?

Willy Wonka

Imported, direct from Loompaland.

Mr Teavee

There's no such place.

Willy Wonka

What?

Mr Teavee

Mr Wonka, I teach high-school geography, and I'm here to tell you...

Willy Wonka

Well, then you'll know all about it, and, oh, what a terrible country it is. The whole place is nothing but think jungles infested by the most dangerous beasts in the entire world. Hornswogglers and snozzwangers and those terrible, wicked whangdoodles. I went to Loompaland looking for exotic new flavours for candy. Instead, I found the Oompa-Loompas. They lived in tree houses to escape from the fierce creatures who lived below. The Oompa-Loompas ate nothing but green caterpillars, which tasted revolting. The Oompa-Loompas kept looking for other things to mash up with the caterpillars to make them taste better. Red beetles, the bark of the bong-bong tree. All of them beastly, but not quite so beastly as the caterpillars. But the food they longed for the most was the cocoa bean. An Oompa-Loompa was lucky if he found three or four cocoa beans a year. But, oh, how they craved them. All they'd ever think about was cocoa beans. The cocoa bean happens to be the thing from which chocolate is made, so I told the chief... (Uses sign language to say, 'Come live in my factory. You can have all the cocoa beans you want! I will even pay your wages in cocoa beans if you wish!') They are such wonderful workers. I feel I must warn you, though, they are rather mischievous. Always making jokes.

Mrs Gloop

Augustus, my child, that is not a good thing you do!

Willy Wonka

Hey, little boy. My chocolate must be untouched by human hands.

Mrs Gloop

He'll drown! He can't swim! Save him! Augustus! No! Augustus! Augustus! Watch out!

Violet

There he goes.

Mrs Gloop

Call the fire brigade!

Mrs Beauregarde

It's a wonder how that pipe is big enough.

Charlie

It isn't big enough. He's slowing down.

Mike

He's gonna stick.

Mr Teavee

I think he has.

Mr Salt

He's blocked the whole pipe.

Charlie

Look. The Oompa-Loompas.

Veruca

What are they doing?

Willy Wonka

Why, I believe they're going to treat us to a little song. It is quite a special occasion of course. They haven't had a fresh audience in many a moon.

Oompa-Loompas Sing

Augustus Gloop, Augustus Gloop, The great big, greedy nincompoop, Augustus Gloop, so big and vile, So greedy, foul and infantile, 'Come on!' we cried 'the time is ripe, To sent him shooting up the pipe!' But don't, dear children, be alarmed, Augustus Gloop will not be harmed, Augustus Gloop will not be harmed. Although, of course, we must admit, He will be altered quite a bit, Slowly wheels go round and round, And cogs begin to grind and pound, This greedy brute, this louse's ear, Is loved by people everywhere, For who could hate or bear a grudge, Against a luscious bit if fudge?

Willy Wonka

Bravo! Well done! Aren't they delightful? Aren't they charming?

Mr Salt

I do say, that all seemed rather rehearsed.

Mike

Like they knew it was gonna happen.

Willy Wonka

Oh, poppycock.

Mrs Gloop

Where is my son? Where does that pipe go to?

Willy Wonka

That pipe, it just so happens to lead directly to the room where I make the most delicious kind of strawberry flavoured, chocolate-coated fudge.

Mrs Gloop

Then he will be made into strawberry flavoured, chocolate-coated fudge. They'll be selling him by the pound all over the world?

Willy Wonka

No. I wouldn't allow it. The taste would be terrible. Can you imagine Augustus-flavoured, chocolate coated Gloop? Ooh. No-one would buy it. I want you to take Mrs Gloop up to the fudge room, okay? Help her find her son. Take a long stick and start poking around in the big chocolate-mixing barrel, okay?

Charlie

Mr Wonka?

Willy Wonka

Huh?

Charlie

Why would Augustus' name already be in the Oompa-Loompa song, unless. . .?

Willy Wonka

Improvisation is a parlour trick. Anyone can do it. You, little girl. Say something. Anything.

Violet

Chewing gum.

Willy Wonka

Chewing gum is really gross, Chewing gum I hate the most. See? Exactly the same.

Mike

No, it isn't.

Willy Wonka

Er, you really shouldn't mumble. Because I can't understand a word you're saying. Now, on with the tour.

Charlie

Are the Oompa-Loompas really joking?

Grandpa Joe

Of course they're joking. That boy will be fine.

Violet

What's so funny?

Willy Wonka

I think it's from all those doggone cocoa beans. Hey, by the way, did you guys know that chocolate contains a property that triggers the release of endorphins? Gives one the feeling of being in love.

Mrs Beauregarde

You don't say.

Willy Wonka

All aboard. Onward! Here. Try some of this. It'll do you good. You look starved to death.

Charlie

It's great.

Willy Wonka

That's because it's mixed by waterfall. The waterfall is most important. Mixes the chocolate, churns it up, makes it light and frothy. Oh, by the way, no other factory in the world. . .

Veruca

You already said that.

Willy Wonka

You're all quite short, aren't you?

Violet

Well, yeah. We're children.

Willy Wonka

Well, that's no excuse. I was never as short as you.

Mike

You were once.

Willy Wonka

Was not. Know why? Because I distinctly remember putting a hat on top of my head. Look at your short little arms. You could never reach.

Charlie

Do you even remember what it was like being a kid?

Willy Wonka

Oh, boy, do I. Do I?

Narrator

In fact, Willy Wonka hadn't thought about his childhood for years.

Children

Trick or treat! Trick or treat! Trick or treat!

Woman

Who do we have here? Ruthie, Veronica, Terrance. And who's that under the sheet? Little Willy Wonka.

Narrator

Willy Wonka was the son of the city's most famous dentist. . . Wilbur Wonka.

Wilbur Wonka

Now, let's see what the damage is this year, shall we? Caramels. They'd get stuck in your braces, wouldn't they? Lollipops. Ought to be called 'cavities on a stick'. Then we have all this. . . All this. . . chocolate. You know, just last week, I was reading in a very important medical journal that some children are allergic to chocolate. Makes their noses itch.

Willy Wonka

Maybe I'm not allergic. I could try a piece.

Wilbur Wonka

Really? But why take a chance?

Charlie

Mr Wonka? Mr Wonka? We're headed for a tunnel.

Willy Wonka

Oh, yeah. Full speed ahead.

Violet

How can they see where they're going?

Willy Wonka

They can't. There's no knowing where they're going. Switch on the lights! People, keep an eye out. We're passing some very important rooms here.

Mrs Beauregarde

What do you use hair cream for?

Willy Wonka

To lock in moisture.

Charlie

Whipped cream.

Willy Wonka

Precisely.

Veruca

That doesn't make sense.

Willy Wonka

For your information, little girl. . . whipped cream isn't whipped cream at all unless it's been whipped with whips. Everybody knows that. Stop the boat. I wanna show you guys something. Now, this is the most important room in the entire factory. Now, everyone, enjoy yourselves, but just don't. . . touch anything. Okay? Go on. Go on, scoot.

Violet

Hey, Mr Wonka, what's this?

Willy Wonka

Oh, let me show you. Thank you. These are Everlasting Gobstoppers. They're for children who are given very little allowance money. You can suck on it all year, and it'll never get any smaller. Isn't that neat?

Violet

It's like gum.

Willy Wonka

No. Gum is for chewing. And if you tried chewing one of these Gobstoppers, you'd break all your little teeth off. They sure do taste terrific. And this is hair toffee. You suck down one of these little boogers, and in exactly half an hour... a brand new crop of hair will start growing out all over the top of your little noggin. And a mustache. And a beard.

Mike

Who wants a beard?

Willy Wonka

Well... beatniks, for one. Folk singers and motorbike riders. You know, all those hip, jazzy, super-cool, neat, keen and groovy cats. It's in the fridge, daddy-o. Are you hep to the jive? Can you dig what I'm laying down? I knew that you could. Slide me some skin, soul brother. Unfortunately, the mixture isn't quite right yet. Because an Oompa-Loompa tried some yesterday, and, well, he... How are you today? You look great. Watch this.

Mike

You mean that's it?

Willy Wonka

Do you even know what 'it' is?

Violet

It's gum.

Willy Wonka

Yeah. It's a stick of the most amazing and sensational gum in the whole universe. Know why? Know why? 'Cause this gum is a full three-course dinner all by itself.

Mr Salt

Why would anyone want that?

Willy Wonka

It will be the end of all kitchens and all cooking. Just a little strip of Wonka's magic chewing gum and that is all you will ever need at breakfast, lunch and dinner. This piece of gum happens to be tomato soup, roast beef and blueberry pie.

Grandpa Joe

It sounds great.

Veruca

It sounds weird.

Violet

It sounds like my kinda gum.

Willy Wonka

I, I'd rather you didn't. There's still one or two thing that are. . .

Violet

I'm the world-record holder in chewing gum. I'm not afraid of anything.

Mrs Beauregarde

How is it, honey?

Violet

It's amazing! Tomato soup. I can feel it running down my throat.

Willy Wonka

Yeah. Spit it out.

Grandpa Joe

Young lady, I think you'd better. . .

Violet

It's changing. Roast beef with baked potato. Crispy skin and butter.

Mrs Beauregarde

Keep chewing, kiddo. My little girl's gonna be the first person in the world to have a chewing-gum meal.

Willy Wonka

Yeah. I'm just a little concerned about the. . .

Violet

Blueberry pie and ice cream.

Willy Wonka

That part.

Veruca

What's happening to her nose?

Mr Salt

It's turning blue.

Mrs Beauregarde

Your whole nose has gone purple.

Violet

What do you mean?

Mrs Beauregarde

Violet, you're turning violet. What's happening?

Willy Wonka

Well, I told you I hadn't got it quite right. 'Cause it goes a little funny when it gets to the desert. It's the blueberry pie that does it. I'm terribly sorry.

Violet

Mother? What's happening to me?

Grandpa Joe

She's swelling up.

Charlie

Like a blueberry.

Willy Wonka

I've tried it on, like, twenty Oompa-Loompas, and each one ended up as a blueberry. It's just weird.

Mrs Beauregarde

But I can't have a blueberry as a daughter. How is she supposed to compete?

Veruca

You could put her in a county fair.

Oompa-Loompas Sing

Yeah, yeah, Yeah, Listen close, and listen hard, To the tale of Violet Beauregarde, This gentle girl, She sees no wrong, In chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long. Yeah. She goes on chewing till, at last, Her chewing muscles grow so vast, And from her face, Her giant chin, Sticks out like a violin, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long. For years and years she chews away, Her jaws get stronger every day, And with one great tremendous chew, They bite the poor girl's tongue in two, And that is why we try so hard, To save Miss Violet Beauregarde, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing, chewing, chewing, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long, Chewing, chewing all day long.

Violet

Mr Wonka!

Willy Wonka

I want you to roll Miss Beauregarde into the boat and take her along to the juicing room at once, okay?

Mrs Beauregarde

The juicing room? What are they gonna do to her there?

Willy Wonka

They're gonna squeeze her. Like a little pimple. We gotta squeeze all that juice out of her immediately.

Violet

Mother, help me. Please.

Willy Wonka

Come on. Let's boogie. Without the boat, we'll have to move double-time just to keep on schedule. There's far too much to see.

Charlie

Mr Wonka?

Willy Wonka

Yeah?

Charlie

Why did you decide to let people in?

Willy Wonka

Well, so they could see the factory, of course.

Charlie

But why now? And why only five?

Mike

What's the special prize, and who gets it?

Willy Wonka

The best kind of prize is a sur-prise.

Veruca

Will Violet always be a blueberry?

Willy Wonka

No. Maybe. I don't know. But that's what you get from chewing gum all day. It's just disgusting.

Mike

If you hate gum so much, why do you make it?

Willy Wonka

Once again, you really shouldn't mumble. 'Cos it's kinda starting to bum me out.

Charlie

Can you remember the first candy you ever ate?

Willy Wonka

No.

Narrator

In fact, Willy Wonka did remember the first candy he ever ate.

Willy Wonka

I'm sorry, I was having a flashback.

Mr Salt

I see.

Mr Teavee

These flashbacks happen often?

Willy Wonka

Increasingly. . . today.

Mr Salt

Ah, this is a room I know all about. For you see, Mr Wonka, I, myself, am in the nut business. Are you using the Havermax four thousand to do your sorting?

Willy Wonka

No. You're really weird.

Veruca

Squirrels.

Willy Wonka

Yeah. Squirrels. These squirrels are specially trained to get the nuts out of shells.

Mr Salt

You use squirrels? Why not use Oompa-Loompas?

Willy Wonka

Because only squirrels can get the whole walnut out almost every single time. You see how they tap each one with their little knuckles to make sure it's not bad? Oh, look. Look. I think that one's got a bad nut.

Veruca

Daddy, I want a squirrel. Get me one of those squirrels. I want one.

Mr Salt

Veruca, dear, you have many marvelous pets.

Veruca

All I've got at home is one pony and two dogs and four cats and six rabbits and two parakeets and three canaries and a green parrot and a turtle and a silly old hamster. I want a squirrel!

Mr Salt

All right, pet. Daddy will get you a squirrel just as soon as he possibly can.

Veruca

But I don't want any old squirrel, I want a trained squirrel.

Mr Salt

Very well. Mr Wonka, how much do you want for one of these squirrels? Name your price.

Willy Wonka

Oh, they're not for sale. She can't have one.

Veruca

Daddy.

Willy Wonka

(Impersonates Mr Salt) I'm sorry, darling. Mr Wonka's being unreasonable.

Veruca

If you won't get me a squirrel, I'll get one myself.

Mr Salt

Veruca.

Willy Wonka

Little girl?

Mr Salt

Veruca, come back here at once. Veruca.

Willy Wonka

Little girl? Don't touch that squirrel's nuts. It'll make him crazy.

Veruca

I'll have you.

Mr Salt

Veruca. Veruca. Veruca!

Willy Wonka

Let's find the key. Nope. Not that one.

Veruca

Daddy!

Mr Salt

Veruca!

Willy Wonka

No. There it is. There it isn't.

Veruca

Daddy, I want them to stop.

Charlie

What are they doing?

Willy Wonka

They're testing to see if she's a bad nut. Oh, my goodness. She is a bed nut after all.

Mr Salt

Veruca!

Veruca

Daddy!

Mr Salt

Where are they taking her?

Willy Wonka

Where all the other bad nuts go. To the garbage chute.

Mr Salt

Where does the chute go?

Willy Wonka

To the incinerator. But don't worry. We only light it on Tuesdays.

Mike

Today is Tuesday.

Willy Wonka

Well, there's always the chance they decided not to light it today. Now, she may be stuck in the chute just below the top. If that's the case, all you have to do is just reach in and pull her out. Okay?

Oompa-Loompas Sing

Veruca Salt the little brute, Has just gone down the garbage chute, And she will meet, as she descends, A rather different set of friends, A rather different set of friends, A rather different set of friends, a fish head, for example, cut, This morning from a halibut, An oyster from an oyster stew, A steak that no-one else would chew, And lots of other things as well, Each with its rather horrid smell, Horrid smell, These are Veruca's newfound friends, That she will meet as she descends, These are Veruca's newfound friends. Who went and spoiled her, who indeed? Who pandered to her every need? Who turned her into such a brat? Who are the culprits? Who did that? The guilty ones, now this is sad, Are dear old Mum and loving Dad.

Willy Wonka

Oh, really? Oh, good. I've just been informed that the incinerator's broken. So there should be about three weeks of rotten garbage to break their fall.

Mr Teavee

Well, that's good news.

Willy Wonka

Yeah. Well, let's keep on trucking. I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier. The elevator's by far the most efficient way to get around the factory.

Mike

There can't be this many floors.

Willy Wonka

How do you know, Mr Smarty-Pants? And this isn't just an ordinary up and down elevator, by the way. This elevator can go sideways, longways, slantways, and any other ways you can think of. You just press any button and, whoosh, you're off. Oh, look. Look. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to fudge mountain. Oh... I'd rather not talk about this one. This is the puppet hospital and burn centre. It's relatively new. Ah, the administration offices. Hello, Doris.

Mike

Why is everything here completely pointless?

Charlie

Candy doesn't have to have a point. That's why it's candy.

Mike

It's stupid.

Wilbur Wonka

Candy is a waste of time. No son of mine is going to be a chocolatier.

Young Willie

Then I'll run away. To Switzerland. Bavaria. The candy capitals of the world.

Wilbur Wonka

Go ahead. But I won't be here when you come back.

Guard

Sorry, son. We're closing for the night.

Mike

I wanna pick a room.

Willie Wonka

Go ahead. Here. Put these on quick, and don't take them off whatever you do. This light could burn your eyeballs right out of your skulls. And we certainly don't want that, now, do we? This is the testing room for my very latest and greatest invention: Television Chocolate. One day it occurred to me. . . Hey, if television can break up a photograph into millions and millions of tiny little pieces and send it whizzing through the air, then reassemble it on the other end. . . Why can't I do the same thing with chocolate? Why can't I, send a real bar of chocolate through the television, all ready to be eaten?

Oprah Winfrey (TV)

I'm not gonna touch it. I'm not going in that direction.

Mr Teavee

Sounds impossible.

Mike

It is impossible. You don't understand anything about science. First off, there's a difference between waves and particles. Duh! Second, the amount of power it would take to convert energy in matter would be like nine atomic bombs.

Willie Wonka

Mumbler! Seriously, I cannot understand a single word you're saying. Okey-dokey. I shall now send a bar of chocolate from one end of the room. . . to the other, by television. Bring in the chocolate! It's gotta be real big, 'cos you know how on TV you can film a regular-size man, and he comes out looking this tall? Same basic principle.

Charlie

It's gone!

Willie Wonka

Told you. Now, that bar of chocolate is now rushing through the air above our heads in a million tiny little pieces. Come over here. Come on. Come on. Come on! Watch the screen. Here it comes. Oh, look. Take it.

Mike

It's just a picture on a screen.

Willie Wonka

Scaredy-cat. You take it. Go on. Just reach out and grab it. Go on.

Grandpa Joe

Holy buckets.

Willie Wonka

Eat it. Go on. It'll be delicious. It's the same bar. It's just gotten a little smaller on the journey, that's all.

Charlie

It's great.

Grandpa Joe

It's a miracle.

Willie Wonka

So imagine, ah, you're sitting at home watching television and suddenly a commercial will flash onto the screen, and a voice will say, "Wonka's chocolates are the best in the world. If you don't believe us, try one for yourself." And you simply reach out. . . and take it. How about that?

Mr Teavee

So can you send other things? Say, like, breakfast cereal?

Willie Wonka

Do you have any idea what breakfast cereal's made of? It's those little curly wooden shavings you find in pencil sharpeners.

Charlie

But could you send it by television if you wanted to?

Willie Wonka

Of course I could.

Mike

What about people?

Willie Wonka

Well, why would I want to send a person? They don't taste very good at all.

Mike

Don't you realise what you've invented? It's a teleporter. It's the most important invention in the history of the world. And all you think about is chocolate.

Mr Teavee

Calm down, Mike. I think Mr Wonka knows what he's talking about.

Mike

No, he doesn't. He has no idea. You think he's a genius, but he's an idiot. But I'm not.

Willie Wonka

Hay, little boy. Don't push my button.

Mr Teavee

He's gone.

Willie Wonka

Let's go check the television, see what we get. I sure hope no part of him gets left behind.

Mr Teavee

What do you mean?

Willie Wonka

Well, sometimes only half the little pieces find their way through. If you had to choose only one half of your son, which one would it be?

Mr Teavee

What kind of a question is that?

Willie Wonka

No need to snap. Just a question. Try every channel. I'm starting to feel a little anxious.

Charlie

There he is.

Mr Teavee

Mike.

Oompa-Loompas Sing

The most important thing, That we've ever learned, The most important thing we've learned, As far as children are concerned, Is never, never let them near, The television set, Or better still just don't install, The idiotic thing at all, Never, never let them, Never, never let them, Never, never let them, Never, never let them, It rots the senses in the head, It keeps imagination dead, It clogs and clutters up the mind, It makes a child so dull and blind, So dull, so dull, He can no longer understand, A fairy tale, a fairyland, A fairyland, a fairyland, His brain becomes as soft as cheese, His thinking powers rust and freeze, He cannot think, he only sees. Regarding little Mike Teavee, We very much regret that we, Regret that we, Shall simply have to wait and see, Wait and see, wait and see, Wait and see, wait and see, wait and see, We very much regret that we, Shall simply have to wait and see, If we can get him back his height, But if we can't, It serves him right.

Willy Wonka

Ooh, somebody grab him.

Mike

Help me. Help me.

Willy Wonka

Oh, thank heavens. He's completely unharmed.

Mr Teavee

Unharmed? What are you talking about?

Mike

Just put me back in the other way.

Willy Wonka

There is no other way. It's television, not telephone. There's quite a difference.

Mr Teavee

And what exactly do you propose to do about it?

Willy Wonka

I don't know. But young men are extremely springy. They stretch like mad. Ah! Let's go put him in the taffy puller.

Mr Teavee

Taffy puller?!

Willy Wonka

Hey, that was my idea. Boy, is he gonna be skinny. Yeah. Taffy puller. I want you to take Mr Teavee and his... little boy, up to the taffy puller, okay? Stretch him out. On with the tour. There's still so much left to see. Now, how many children are left?

Grandpa Joe

Mr Wonka, Charlie's the only one left now.

Willy Wonka

You mean, you're the only one?

Charlie

Yes.

Willy Wonka

What happened to the others? Oh, my dear boy, but that mean's you've won. Oh, I do congratulate you. I really do. I'm absolutely delighted. I had a hunch you know, right from the beginning. Well done. Now, we mustn't dilly, or dally. Because we have an enormous number of things to do before the day's out. But luckily for us, we have the great glass elevator to speed things al. . . Speed things along. Come on.

Charlie

Up and out? What kind of room is that?

Willy Wonka

Hold on. Oh, my goodness. We're gonna need to go much faster, otherwise we'll just never break through.

Charlie

Break through what?

Willy Wonka

I've been longing to press that button for years. Well, here we go. Up and out!

Grandpa Joe

But do you really mean. . .?

Willy Wonka

Yeah, I do.

Grandpa Joe

But it's made of glass. It'll smash into a million pieces.

Mrs Gloop

Augustus, please, don't eat your fingers.

Augustus

But I taste so good.

Violet

Look, Mother. I'm much more flexible now.

Mrs Beauregarde

Yes, but you're blue.

Veruca

Daddy, I want a flying glass elevator.

Mr Salt

Veruca, the only thing you're getting today is a bath, and that's final.

Veruca

But I want it.

Willy Wonka

Where do you live?

Charlie

Right over there. That little house.

Mrs Bucket

What time do you think they'll be back?

Mr Bucket

Hard to know, dear.

Grandma Georgina

I think there's someone at the door.

Charlie

Hi, Mom.

Mrs Bucket

Hi.

Charlie

Mom. Dad. We're back.

Mr Bucket

Charlie.

Mrs Bucket

Charlie.

Mr Bucket

Goodness.

Charlie

This is Willy Wonka. He gave us a ride home.

Mrs Bucket

I see that.

Willy Wonka

You must be the boy's. . .

Mr Bucket

Parents?

Willy Wonka

Yeah. That.

Grandpa Joe

He says Charlie's won something.

Willy Wonka

Not just some something. The most 'something' something of any something that's ever been. I'm gonna give this little boy my entire factory.

Grandpa Joe

You must be joking.

Willy Wonka

No, really. It's true. Because, you see, a few months ago, I was having my semi-annual haircut. . . and I had the strangest revelation. In that one silver hair, I saw reflected my life's work, my factory, my beloved Oompa-Loompas. Who would watch over them after I was gone? I realised in that moment, 'I must find and Heir'. And I did, Charlie. You.

Charlie

That's why you sent out the golden tickets.

Willy Wonka

Ah-ha.

Mrs Bucket

What are Oompa-Loompas?

Willy Wonka

I invited five children to the factory and the one who was the least rotten would be the winner.

Grandpa Joe

That's you, Charlie.