Finding Neverland Script - Dialogue Transcript
Transcript written by and used with the courtesey of Angela Sugden
Voices
Lights up. 5 minute call please. Places. Everyone to their places.
Charles
Opening nights? I love opening nights. How are you?
Man 1
Good to see you.
Man 2
Good evening, Charles, this is my wife.
Charles
Oh, Lydia, Herbert, may I give you a peck?
Man 3
One of Mr Barrie's finest?
Charles
Oh, that genius Gusmann has done it again, it's the best thing I've produced in 25 years.
Man 3
Really?
Charles
I already have investors interested back home in New York.
Man 3
See you on Broadway.
Voice
1st position, people. Standing by please, ladies and gentlemen, if you could take your opening positions please. Beginners please take your opening positions. Audience are coming in, standing by.
Usher
Good audience.
James
Sorry?
Usher
Good audience, tonight.
James
That's great. Thank you. How much longer?
Usher
10 minutes.
Charles
I love opening nights. I want a dance with your wife at the after party. Oh, my goodness.
John
Good evening, sir.
Charles
How are you, John?
John
Very well.
Charles
It's the best thing that I've produced in 25 years. Hello, George, how are you?
Man
Healthy and wealthy I see.
Charles
You've rearranged a holiday for me. I won't forget.
Man
For you, Charles.
Charles
You won't regret it.
Man
I'm sure.
Mrs Snow
Have you got the tickets?
Mr Snow
Yes, they're in my pocket.
Mrs Snow
Oh, there's Mrs Barrie.
Mary Barrie
Mr & Mrs Snow.
Mrs Snow
We were so hoping to speak with your husband before the show.
Mr Snow
Have you seen him?
Mary
I'm not sure where he is actually.
Mrs Snow
We do miss seeing you on stage, you were so wonderful.
Mary
Yes? Well it's been some time now. Are you all right to find your seat?
Mrs Snow
Oh yes, yes. See you at the party then.
Mary
Excuse me. Would you find Mr Barrie and remind him that they're doing his play this evening.
Usher
Yes, Madam.
Mary
Thank you.
Charles
Let's close the doors.
Actor 1
Really, I mustn't inconvenience you in this way. I can wait quite well in the shop.
Actor 2
'Tis no inconvenience, the shop is chilly.
Actor 1
And there is a fire here. Really, uncommonly good.
Usher
Sorry, sir, um, Mrs Barrie wanted me to remind you that the play's begun, though I imagine you know that.
James
They hate it.
Usher
Sir?
James
It's like a dentist's office out there, why?
Usher
I wouldn't say they hate it, sir.
James
What do you think? Do you like it?
Usher
I've just been hiding, sir.
James
Yes or no, I'm not bothered.
Usher
I'm not really qualified to. . .
James
Do you like it? Is it crap?
Usher
Crap, sir?
James
Go on, say it, just say it. Its shite isn't it? Go on, say it.
Usher
I don't know if I'm. . .
James
It's bulls' pizzle, Mr Barrie, go on, say it.
Usher
It's bulls' pizzle, Mr Barrie.
James
I knew it.
Usher
No, I haven't even seen it.
James
I knew it. Thank you. Thank you very much.
Man 1
Absolute rubbish from start to finish.
Man 2
Yes, I found it fearfully dull.
Man 3
You can say goodbye to your investment, old boy.
Charles
Good to see you, my apologies.
James
We'll get them with the next one, Charles, I promise.
Charles
Of course we will, James.
James
I know you put a lot into this one.
Charles
A fortune James, but I'm fortunate because I can afford to lose a fortune.
James
Can you?
Charles
No, I can't. How are you?
James
Arthur
Arthur
James. You were sorely missed at the last club meeting.
James
Was I?
Arthur
We were beginning to wonder which is your hobby, writing or cricket.
James
You don't say.
Mary
You wanted to speak with Mr Barrie didn't you?
Mrs Snow
Well yes, but we shouldn't interrupt them, should we?
Mary
I don't see why not.
Arthur
If you ask me, the problem lies in our batting order.
James
You're absolutely right.
Mary
James.
James
Hello, darling.
Mary
You remember Mr & Mrs Snow, don't you?
James
Mrs Snow.
Mrs Snow
Mr Barrie.
James
Mr Snow.
Mary
So, the Snows have been waiting to meet with you all evening.
Mrs Snow
Oh, yes.
James
Is that right?
Mrs Snow
Your play this evening. . .it was remarkable, wasn't it?
James
Was it? Thank you, that's very kind of you. I'm glad you liked it.
Mr Snow
How did you feel it went?
James
I think I can do better.
Mr Snow
Really?
James
Mary, hello.
Mary
Yes, James?
James
I'm headed off to the park if you'd like to join me. It's a beautiful morning.
Mary
You'll be working, won't you?
James
Perhaps, yes.
Mary
I'll let you to your work then.
Emma
Morning, Mr Barrie.
James
Morning, Emma.
Emma
Have a good day, sir.
James
And you. That's it, go on boy. That's right. Good boy. Grab it.
Sylvia
Who do you belong to?
Michael
Excuse me, sir, you're standing on my sleeve.
James
Am I? So sorry. I might point out you're lying under my bench.
Michael
I have to I'm afraid. I've been put in the dungeon by the evil Prince George. I'm sorry if it bothers you.
James
Well if you're trapped in the dungeon there isn't much to be done, now is there? Perhaps I could slide a key to you through the bars?
Michael
I wouldn't risk it, sir. The evil Prince George has tortured many men.
George
I'm sorry, is he bothering you, sir? My brother can be an amazingly irritating sort of person.
James
Ah ha, Prince George I gather? I understand you are the horrible tyrant who imprisoned this unfortunate wretch.
George
Not horrible really, but a firm ruler yes, kind and tolerant.
James
And what precisely has, er. . . What did you say your name was?
Michael
Michael.
James
What precisely is Michael's crime?
George
He's my younger brother.
James
Ah! Fair enough. Sorry, lad, cannot free you.
Michael
That's all right.
Jack
Do you mind us playing with your dog?
James
No, go on.
George
This is Jack, second in line to the throne, and that one's Michael, he's only five.
Michael
And I'm in prison for it.
Sylvia
I'm so sorry. Are my boys bothering you?
Michael
We're not bothering him, Mum.
James
No.
Sylvia
Michael, darling, come out from under there.
Michael
I can't, I'm in prison.
Sylvia
Oh, I see.
James
J M Barrie, pleased to meet you.
Sylvia
J M Barrie the author? What a pleasure, Sylvia Llewellyn-Davies.
Jack
Are you a writer?
James
I am.
Sylvia
He's a playwright, Jack, quite a famous one at that. I apologise, I imagine you are writing.
James
No, not at all.
Sylvia
Where's Peter?
George
What have you written, Mr Barrie?
James
Well, currently, I make my living entertaining Princes and their courts with my trained bear, Porthos. If you command your brother Peter to join us, I am willing, Prince George, to give you just such a performance in exchange for the freedom of this prisoner of course.
George
Very well.
James
Very well. Now, I want you to pay particular attention to the teeth. Some unscrupulous trainers will show you a bear whose teeth have all been pulled, while other cowards will force the brute into a muzzle. Only a true master would attempt these tricks without either measure of safety.
Peter
What did you bring me over here for?
Sylvia
Peter.
Peter
Because this is absurd, it's just a dog.
Sylvia
Come on, darling.
James
Just a dog?! Porthos, don't listen to him. Porthos dreams of being a bear, and you want to dash those dreams by saying 'he's just a dog'. Tut tut. What a horrible candle-snuffing word. That's like saying 'he can't climb that mountain, he's just a man.' Or 'that's not a diamond, it's just a rock.' Just!
Peter
Fine then, turn him into a bear, if you can.
Sylvia
Peter, where are your manners.
James
With those eyes, my bonnie lad, I'm afraid you'd never see it. However, with just a wee bit of imagination - I can turn around right now, and see, the Great Bear, Porthos. Dance with me.
Sylvia
Thank you, I don't think I've ever seen a performance quite. . . quite like it.
James
We're here every day, and the bear is always more than happy to perform.
Sylvia
Perhaps we will see you tomorrow then.
James
Perhaps.
Sylvia
Peter, jump up, darling, quick.
George
Bye.
Jack
Bye.
Michael
Bye.
James
Bye.
Sylvia
Peter, didn't you enjoy that?
Peter
I've seen better.
James
Well, Michael wanted the bear kept prisoner with him, and Peter insisted that Michael was hardly prisoner and Porthos simply wasn't a bear at all. I do very much hope to see them tomorrow.
Mary
What's her name?
James
Sylvia, erm, Mrs Something-Davies.
Mary
Llewllyn Davies?
James
You know her?
Mary
I know who she is of course. Why she's of DuMaurier family see. Her father was the artist, her brother's the actor. And there's something. . . tragic that happened with her husband. Oh, yes, he died, cancer of the jaw I believe.
James
That's horrible.
Mary
Yes, apparently he left her with four boys and no income to speak of. Why, if it wasn't for her mother's help. . . James, we should have them to dinner.
James
Should we?
Mary
Absolutely, I've always wanted to meet Madam DuMaurier, why, she know practically everyone there is worth knowing.
Peter
What are you writing about?
James
Oh, nothing of any great consequence.
Peter
I can't write.
James
Have you ever kept a journal? Ever tried your hand at writing a play? Well then, how do you know?
Peter
I know, that's all.
James
I see. Where's your mother today and the rest of the boys?
Peter
Home. Mother's got a bit of a chest cold. I'm sure everyone would be happy to see you though, one afternoon. I should leave you to your writing.
James
Peter. I'll see you later then. Why didn't you tell me, Charles? You knew it wasn't any good.
Charles
Why didn't you tell me, James? You knew it wasn't any good. Huh? I took an extended lease on the theatre, keeping the actors on.
James
I don't have another play.
Charles
You will, won't you?
James
We'll see.
Man
Need you to sign for the storage, Mr Frohman.
James
It was never meant to be taken seriously.
Charles
You know what happened, James. They changed it.
James
Who changed what?
Charles
The critics, they made it important. Huh. What's it called? What's it called?
James
Play.
Charles
Play.
Boys
Bang, bang, bang, etc
Jack
Return the boy to us you nasty Indian.
James
Our people teach boy Indian ways, make him great warrior, our chief 'Running Nose' never let him go.
Boys
Bang, bang, bang, etc
James
Me wounded, Peter. Time's short. You go, spread wings and soar like eagle above enemy. Fly back to our chief, tell him of my brave defeat.
Peter
That's crazy, Indian's can't fly.
James
'Course they can, go on, go on, go on.
Jack
Listen to us boy, this Indian kidnapped you.
James
Not true! Me kidnap no-one. You 'lost boy'. I teach you ways of the brave. I take you as my own son.
Peter
You are not my father.
Boys
Bang, bang, bang, etc
Jack
I've got him.
Peter
Let me go!
George
Stop it you two.
Jack
Ooh, we are awful, aren't we?
Peter
I'm warning you.
Jack
Ooh, I'm scared. Wants to have a bit of fun for a change.
George
Stop it you two.
Sylvia
Jack! Peter.
James
I'm terribly sorry.
Sylvia
Oh, it wasn't your fault.
James
Afraid it might have been.
Sylvia
To be honest, I'm just happy you got him to join in the game.
James
Oh yes, I was a tremendous success.
Sylvia
Mr Barrie, it's more than I've been able to achieve. Peter's a different boy since his father died. I don't think he's even had a good cry about it.
James
Well, grief affects us all in different ways, doesn't it?
Sylvia
Yes it does.
James
Oh, by the way, my wife would like to invite you and the boys over to dinner, erm, your mother as well.
Sylvia
Oh, how kind, that would be lovely.
Mary
Well, don't you all look lovely in your little suits? And Mrs DuMaurier, what a shame it is that we've not met until this evening.
Mrs Du Maurier
How kind of you to say so.
Mary
Not at all. I can't tell you how many times I've been to a charity, or a. . . social event, and seen your name listed among the Stagehands. It's the very thing I would love to do myself, if I could just find the time.
Mrs Du Maurier
My problem is in finding the time to do everything else. At the moment I'm running two households. Sylvia believes she can get by without a housekeeper.
Sylvia
Mother!
Mrs Du Maurier
My house is quite large enough for us all, but the idea of living with me seems. . .
Sylvia
Not now please mother.
George
We help her keep the house in order.
Mrs Du Maurier
Don't interrupt, George. Where did you get your manners?
George
Sorry, Grandmother.
Sylvia
Well. . .
Mrs Du Maurier
Mr Barrie, I understand you've become playmates with my grandchildren.
James
Oh, they indulge me really.
Sylvia
On the contrary. The other day we took to an exploration of Darkest Africa in our garden. Till Mr Barrie was taken ill by the bite of a. . . What was it?
James
Tsetse fly. Quite horrible.
Jack
Yes, and he swelled to the size of a hippopotamus.
Michael
Fingers like sausages!
George
And we had to float on him down the river, like he was a. . . a great bloated raft.
Jack
But the fishing was good, wasn't it?
Mary
James. Please.
James
Sorry. Bye.
Mrs Du Maurier
Thank you so much.
Mary
Bye.
Mrs Du Maurier
Pleasant.
Mary
A lovely evening.
George
Bye.
James
Thank you. Night.
Mary
Night.
George
Night.
Mary
Well, that was a disaster.
Mrs Du Maurier
Painful, utterly painful to see.
Sylvia
Don't know what you mean, I had a lovely time.
Mary
Oh, James, please, "My problem is in finding the time to do everything else." I've never felt so judged in my life.
James
Judged? What do you mean?
Mrs Du Maurier
A grown man, for heavens sake, playing all day long with children?
Mary
In any case, I hardly think they'll be the social contact we'd hoped for.
James
I hadn't really thought of them that way, just enjoy their company.
Sylvia
He's been a good friend to us, mother.
Mrs Du Maurier
Yes, but what does that mean?
Mary
Surely you don't intend to keep spending your afternoons with those children, do you?
James
So today, ladies and gentlemen, using only the wind and his own physical strength, George Llewellyn Davies will test the very limits of the atmosphere using his tethered craft. Go on, boy.
Sylvia
Go on, George.
Jack
You're gonna break it, George.
Michael
George, stop.
George
Just needs a bit more speed.
Michael
I want to do it.
James
Hold off a bit, George. I think it's in need of a tail.
Sylvia
Oh, wait. Here, James, this will do.
James
That's a good idea.
George
No, it's not heavy enough.
Michael
I want to do it.
Jack
Are you coming, Peter?
James
Porthos!
Sylvia
It'll work this time.
James
Porthos. Give us your bell, that's good. Here. Michael?
Michael
Yeah?
James
Now, would you like to give it a go?
Michael
Yes please.
Jack
Oh, he can't run fast enough.
James
'Course he can.
Sylvia
Let him try, Jack.
James
George, you hold the kite.
Sylvia
George, come on boys lets go back up to the top. Michael. Come on, Peter. Right, George, hold it up. Darling, you've got to run now, ready? Ready? Run. Run, Michael.
Jack
Run. Oh, I told you this wasn't going to work.
Peter
I don't think he's fast enough.
James
It's not going to work if no-one believes in him.
Sylvia
Now give him a chance.
James
Michael, go back to your starting position.
Sylvia
Come on, darling, we'll try again.
James
George, you take the kite.
George
If it'll help.
James
Now, this time, I don't want a flea's breath of doubt. We must get that kite in the air.
Sylvia
Right, look I think I feel a bit more breeze.
James
Ready, Michael? Go on, go on.
Jack
You can do it, Michael.
Sylvia
You've got to run, Michael, run, run.
James
That's it!
Boys
Yeah.
Jack
You did it. Keep running.
Peter
What are you writing about now?
James
Oh, just making notes. I'm never really certain what they're about till I've read over later.
Peter
Something about the kite?
James
Now why do you ask that?
Peter
I don't know. If I were a writer, I think I could tell a whole story about flying the kite today.
James
Perhaps you should then, that's a fantastic idea. Why not give it a try?
Jack
I hope you haven't been talking about anything too serious with this one.
Peter
No, talking a bit of silliness really.
Michael
Can we have him for supper?
Sylvia
Have him to stay for supper, Michael, we're not cannibals. You are welcome, you know.
Mrs Du Maurier
Sylvia, Mr Barrie, where have you been?
Sylvia
Erm, flying a kite, mother, and having a wonderful time. I'm sorry, I didn't know you were coming this evening.
Mrs Du Maurier
No? Well apparently you forgot then. I've brought some supper along for us all.
Sylvia
You didn't need to do that.
Mrs Du Maurier
Well, there's no food in the house, is there? Really, you don't need to wait till the cupboard is bare!
Sylvia
Please, Mother. Come on, darling.
Mrs Du Maurier
Wipe feet. There's been enough tracking round here. George, I thought you said you were going to help your mother take care of the house? Coat, Michael, please. Yes. And. Coat hanger. Very good.
Michael
Will we see you tomorrow?
Mrs Du Maurier
No, you're going to be helping round the house tomorrow.
Sylvia
Mother, there is absolutely no need for this.
Mrs Du Maurier
You can't do everything yourself. Look at you, you're horribly flush. Wearing yourself out.
Sylvia
Thank you for a lovely day, James. Excuse me, mother.
Mrs Du Maurier
So, from tomorrow we're going to have some discipline around here. And not one of you will escape.
Sarah
Good evening, Mr Barrie.
James
Good evening, Sarah.
Emma
Good evening, Mr Barrie.
James
Evening, Emma.
Mary
You missed supper.
James
Perhaps I'll have something later, I've a bit of writing I want to do.
Mary
Are you sure? It was a lovely meal. Duck. Sarah let Emma cook this evening.
James
Is that right? Listen, what would you think of loaning Emma out to the Davies for the occasional evening? They don't actually have a cook.
Mary
I take it Mrs Davies enjoyed the meal she had here?
James
I imagine she could use an extra hand now and again, that's all.
Mary
Huh? That's very charitable of you. Perhaps we can send over some of the silver as well. And, what about linen? I wouldn't be surprised if some of hers was looking a bit shabby.
James
Please Mary, stop.
Mary
Maybe she can send over some of the things we've run short on. . . My husband for example. We rarely see him in this house.
James
That hasn't seemed to bother you for some time now. Lords and ladies, King Michael, the benevolent. Protector of the Realm.
Peter
That sceptre's made of wood.
James
Yes, well, we dream on a budget here, don't we?
Peter
No, I mean, everyone thinks it's made of gold, but it's just an old hunk of wood.
James
The means to an end, Peter. What we've done is taken an old hunk of wood, and transformed it for all the world to see, into the most magnificent gold. Here you go.
Peter
What's this?
James
All great writers, begin with a good leather binding, and a respectable title. Open it.
Peter
The Boy Castaways, being a record of the terrible adventures of the brothers Davies, faithfully set forth by Peter Llewellyn Davies.
James
Kipling would swallow is own ear for a title like that.
Michael
Stab him George, you can do it.
Peter
I still have no idea what to write.
James
Write about anything. Write about your family. Write about the talking whale.
Peter
What whale?
James
The one that's trapped in your imagination and desperate to get out. Come sit down. I have actually begun writing about the adventures of the Davies brothers myself.
Peter
A play?
James
A play indeed. Yes. And I would be extremely honoured if you would allow me the use of your name for one of the characters.
Peter
I don't know what to say.
James
Say yes. Good man.
Peter
I won't go to bed. I won't. I won't.
Sylvia
You should have been in bed half an hour ago young man. I'm afraid I've grown hopelessly lax in my discipline.
James
Nonsense, young boys should never be sent to bed, they always wake up a day older. And then before you know it, they're grown.
Sylvia
Their father would have been horrified, 'course he would never have allowed a dog in the house either. He'd've tied him up in the yard. Right, last one in bed's a hairy toad. You mean a lot to my boys, you know. Especially Peter.
James
It seems to me that Peter is trying to grow up too fast. I imagine he thinks that grown-ups don't hurt as deeply as children do when they. . . when they lose someone. I lost my elder brother David when I was just Peter's age. And it nearly destroyed my mother.
Sylvia
James, I'm so sorry. Your poor mother. I can't imagine losing a child.
James
Aye. She didn't get out of bed for months, she wouldn't eat. I tried everything to make her happy, but. . . she only wanted David. So, one day, I dressed myself in David's clothing, and went to her.
Sylvia
You must have frightened her to death.
James
I think it was the first time she ever, actually. . . looked at me. And that was the end of the boy James. I used to say to myself, he'd gone to Neverland.
Sylvia
Where?
James
Neverland. It's a wonderful place. I've not spoken about this before to anyone. Ever.
Sylvia
What's it like, Neverland?
James
One day I'll take you there.
Charles
Wait a minute, James, he's a fairy?
James
Er, no. He's the irrepressible spirit of youth. Tinkerbell's the fairy.
Charles
Tinkerbell's a woman?
James
She's not a woman, she's a fairy. He is a boy who stays young forever.
Charles
James, how does anyone stay young for ever? It doesn't work.
James
He just believes, Charles, he imagines life the way he wants it to be. And he believes in it long enough and hard enough that it all appears before him. Do you see?
Charles
James, I'm your friend. You're coming off a flop. You have a man who is a fairy. . .
James
No, boy.
Charles
Yes, okay. And this girl calls herself Tinker. And you have a pirate ship on stage, surrounded by tons and tons of water. That's a lot of water.
James
It's a lot of water.
Charles
Yes, and that's a lot of money.
James
It is, but we can, we can fake the water.
Charles
Oh well, if we can fake the water then I'm sure your play will be a hit. You know what I think I'll do? I think I'll imagine life the way I want it to be. . .
James
Long enough and hard enough.
Charles
Yes, and then the money for the play will appear magically before me.
James
That's right, that's it.
Charles
How does the clock wind up inside the crocodile?
James
He swallows it.
Charles
Ah, of course he does.
Man
How was he?
Mary
Well done.
Woman
Thank you.
James
Finally get the courage to invite the boys to a game and we have to suffer this grave humiliation. It's perfect actually.
Arthur
You spend a good deal of time with them don't you?
James
Every moment I can spare in fact.
Arthur
I'm glad for you. Mrs Davies'll be having a good time of it as well. Should be aware though, James, what some people have been saying. Now, mind you, I wouldn't bring it up if I thought it would pass.
James
Not surprised. What do they say?
Arthur
Very well, that you spend much more time with Mrs Davies than you do with your own wife. She is a widow. And, erm.
James
And a friend. That's it, nothing more.
Arthur
There have also been questions about, how you spend your time with those boys, and why.
James
That's outrageous. How could anyone think something so evil, they're children. They're innocent children. You find a glimmer of happiness in this world, there's always someone who wants to destroy it. No. Thank you, Arthur, but I don't think many will give credence to such nonsense.
Arthur
Then why is no-one sitting with them? Once you get a bit of notoriety James, people watch you, and they will look for ways to drag you down.
Sylvia
Are you sure your wife doesn't object to us taking over your cottage for the summer? James.
James
She doesn't go there any more.
Sylvia
Really? It's such a relief to get away. You'll come and visit I hope.
James
'Course. Are we in?
Sylvia
Everyone in?
Jack
Can I drive Uncle Jim?
James
Er. . . No. Out of the way or I'll make haggis of you.
Michael
Get the sheep out the way.
Jack
Are we there yet?
James
Almost. Almost there.
Jack
I can see the cottage! Shall we explore, Michael?
Sylvia
If you're going outside don't tear your clothes, please.
James
Would you like to see the rest of it?
Sylvia
Yes.
James
Okay. Hello. Thought you could escape from Captain Swarthy, eh? Off to the ship with you then. Off to the ship son. So now you can either choose to become a pirate with the rest of us. . . Or, we'll toss you to the shark.
Michael
How marvellous.
James
Or maybe the crocodiles, eh?
Sylvia
No-one's escaped Captain.
James
Excellent work, matey. Now then, now is your only chance to speak. Who amongst you is ready to tie your hopes and dreams to the sea?
Michael
I am.
James
Not finished yet. And to enter into the most dangerous chapter in your young and soon to be wasted lives? What did you say? What are you doing, son? Are you giggling? On my ship? Giggling? What did you say?
George
I said I'm ready Captain.
James
What's your name boy?
George
I'm Curly, the oldest and wisest of the crew.
James
Cut him loose matey. Welcome aboard Curly. Your job will be to mop the deck. And who be you, young squire?
Jack
My name be Nibbs the Cut-Throat, feared by men and greatly desired by the ladies.
Sylvia
Jack!
James
Welcome aboard Nibbs, you shall polish all the wood surfaces.
Sylvia
Grab a hold of that rigging.
James
And you lad?
Peter
I'm Peter.
James
That's not a pirate name. What about Dastardly Jim, eh?
Peter
No, just Peter. I like my name.
James
Very well. In punishment for lack of an interesting pirate name, Peter shall walk the plank. Cut 'im loose.
Mr Reilly
Mr Barrie sir. There's been a mistake here sir. It says here I'm to play the nanny. Don't imagine I quite fit that part, eh?
James
You're not actually a nanny, you're a dog.
Mr Reilly
What?
James
A Newfoundland, we'll put you in a great big fluffy dog suit.
Mr Reilly
Oh right.
Organiser
Actually, we don't have a Tinkerbell cast do we? He could play Tinkerbell.
James
Oh heavens, no. Tinkerbell's a light that moves around the stage. Just a wee light that, that, that moves around the stage.
Stagehand
Bit worried about this.
Charles
Let's see, got John Darling, Michael Darling, Tiger-Lily, Smee, Skylines, it's a play for puppets. Tools, Nibbs, Curley. Oh these names are absurd when you see them all together. Captain Hook, Sergeant. . . Oh, hello James. You're out of your mind.
Mary
How were rehearsals?
James
Fine, great, they're going, quite well.
Mary
Good.
James
Yes, thank you.
Sylvia
Hello.
James
Hello.
Sylvia
How was your journey?
James
'Twas quite long, I'm exhausted.
Sylvia
Let's get you some tea.
James
That'd be nice, thanks.
Michael
Can you come to the play-house.
Sylvia
In a moment Michael, he's just arrived.
Michael
But I said I'd get him. They always send Peter to do things. I said I'll do it. It will spoil the surprise.
Sylvia
What surprise darling?
Michael
It's a great surprise. We've taken most of the day preparing for it, everybody's waiting for you.
James
Then we mustn't keep them waiting.
Michael
Please don't tell them that I told you the surprise, I said I wouldn't.
Sylvia
Oh well, you didn't really tell us anything about it, did you?
Michael
Yes I did, it's a play.
James
It's a play!
Peter
The Lamentable Tale of Lady Ursula, a play in one act, by Peter Llewellyn Davies. This is just a bit of silliness really.
James
I should hope so. Go on.
Peter
I just wanted to take a stab at writing, you know, well, the others do a good job of it anyway.
Sylvia
Well, let's see it then.
Peter
The Lamentable Tale of Lady Ursula. One morning, just after sunrise, Lady Ursula, the most beautiful daughter of Lord and Lady DuBonne, made her way up the steps of the great cathedral to pray to her blessed saint. Suddenly, as she reached the cathedral doors, the gargoyle that guarded the sacred structure, came to life and swooped down upon her. The people of the village all ran to safety, but Lady Ursula slipped on the cathedral steps and the gargoyle descended upon her, wrapping her in its huge wings and taking her high up into the spires of the cathedral.
Sylvia
Go on Peter.
Peter
Not long after this sorrowful event, a young knight names J M Barnaby came into the city.
James
Sylvia, come on. Do you want some water?
Sylvia
No James.
James
Back to the house, go on. She won't discuss it with me at all. She claims it was nothing. I tell you doctor, she couldn't breathe.
Doctor
Well, I can't very well treat a patient who won't admit there's anything wrong.
James
You'll have to make her understand that something is.
Doctor
I'll try and do my best.
James
Okay, just here. Put your hand flat like that, okay? And. Ow. And then, like that.
Sylvia
Come in.
James
The good doctor didn't feel up to the challenge on this one. He thinks you need to go to hospital for further tests.
Sylvia
Nonsense, when would I have the time for that? Besides, this family's had enough of hospitals.
James
Perhaps they can help you.
Sylvia
I know what they can do for me. I saw what they did for my husband. No James, no interest in hospitals. Though I'm keenly interested in having some supper.
Peter
What did you and mother decide to tell us this time? It's only a chest cold?!
James
We hadn't decided anything.
Peter
Stop lying to me. I'm sick of grown-ups lying to me.
James
I'm not lying to you. I don't know what's wrong.
Peter
Father might take us fishing. That's what she said, in just a few weeks, and he dies the next morning.
James
That wasn't a lie Peter. That was your mother's hope.
Peter
He barely moved for a week, but I started planning our fishing trip.
James
I will never lie to you. I promise you that,
Peter
No, all you'll do is teach me to make up stupid stories and pretend that things aren't happening, until. . . I won't, I'm not blind. I won't be made a fool.
Sylvia
What's this? Peter? Your play. Darling, I wanted to see the rest of it. Magic's gone out of it a bit now, hasn't it? All because of a silly chest cold.
Mary
James. Well you remember Gilbert Cannan don't you?
James
Good evening.
Mary
Mr Cannan has been working on the committee to fight government censorship.
Gilbert
I know how involved you've been as well.
Mary
He wanted to speak to you. I did think you'd be home so much sooner.
James
It's been a long evening Mary.
Mary
Yes, well if I'd realised how late it was, of course.
Gilbert
I should perhaps talk to you at another time, not so late.
James
That'll be fine.
Gilbert
We'll talk then, eh. Thank you for your patience Mrs Barrie, Mr Barrie. Good night.
Mary
Well aren't you going to speak?
James
What would you like me to say? Curious how late Mr Cannan stayed I suppose. And let's see, what comes next? No later than you were out James. And how is Mrs Davies this evening? Oh yes, I would have a great answer to that one, wouldn't I?
Mary
How dare you! This isn't one of your plays.
James
I know that Mary. It's quite serious. But I'm not ready for this conversation, whatever it may be. Perhaps we can talk in the morning, yes? Good night then.
Smee
Er, Mr Barrie, don't you agree this is a little bit tight?
James
No, no, in fact I think it's quite. . . baggy.
Smee
Baggy?
James
Quite frumpy. I'd bring it right in just here.
Smee
That's very tight.
James
Hm, right there. And put maybe a plank of wood there to straighten him up.
Tailor
Oh yeah, yes Mr Barrie.
Smee
Plank of wood?
James
Some wood there, there in the shoulders. Otherwise it's marvellous.
Tailor
Right sir.
Sylvia
You'll be sick tomorrow.
George
I'll be sick tonight.
Sylvia
James, we're just having some tea. You remember my mother of course.
James
Yes, of course, how do you do?
Sylvia
May I take your hat?
Mrs Du Maurier
Don't laugh boys.
Sylvia
Boys, please don't run in the house, you'll break something, come away from that door, come on, come on, come on, come on.
Mrs Du Maurier
I'd like a word with you Mr Barrie before you go. We'll only be a few minutes.
Sylvia
Boys, why don't you go and play in the garden, go on.
Michael
Is he in trouble?
Peter
Sshh!
Michael
Because I've been alone with Grandmother and I know what it's like.
Sylvia
Shall we retire into the study?
Mrs Du Maurier
Why don't you join them dear?
Sylvia
Very well.
James
I do apologise for interrupting.
Mrs Du Maurier
Would you close the door please.
James
Certainly.
Mrs Du Maurier
Sylvia has told me you've offered her the services of your household staff.
James
Er, well, not exactly.
Mrs Du Maurier
That won't be necessary.
James
I'll leave that to Sylvie of course.
Mrs Du Maurier
You'll leave that to me Mr Barrie. You see I'm moving in here from now on.
James
You're moving in?
Mrs Du Maurier
I'm going where I'm most needed. And I can certainly see to it that this house is managed without resorting to your charity.
James
It isn't charity Mrs DuMaurier. I was only trying to help as a friend.
Mrs Du Maurier
Have you no idea how much your friendship has already cost my daughter? Or are you really that selfish?
James
I beg your pardon.
Mrs Du Maurier
Don't you see, what a visit to the summer cottage of a married man does for a widows future prospects? Sylvia needs to find someone, the boys need a father. And you are destroying any hope this family has of pulling itself together again.
James
I've only wanted good things for this family Mrs DuMaurier.
Mrs Du Maurier
I'll look after them. You have your own family to concern yourself with.
James
What are you suggesting?
Mrs Du Maurier
I'm suggesting you protect what you have Mr Barrie. That is precisely what I am doing.
Mary
I was so certain what I would find in this. Some little confession would leak out onto the page.
James
I don't write love notes in my journal.
Mary
No, still you knew who I meant didn't you? That's some comfort actually. Means I know you just a little after all.
James
You needn't steal my journal to get to know me Mary.
Mrs Du Maurier
No, I suppose I could just go see the plays. I was hopelessly naïve when I married you. I imagined that brilliant people disappeared to some secret place where good ideas floated around like leaves in Autumn, and I, hoped at least, once, you would take me there with you.
James
There is no such place.
Mary
Yes there is. Neverland. It's the best you've written James. And I'm sure that Davies will adore the world you've created for them. I only wish I were part of it.
James
I've wanted you to be. I've tried. Mary, I always imagined us going off on great adventures once we were together. But we moved into this house and you started, I don't know, re-arranging the furniture.
Mary
What was I supposed to do James? You were always gone.
James
I was right here.
Mary
Sitting in your parlour staring off into other worlds as though I didn't exist.
James
Look, just give me a bit more time to finish up the play.
Mary
To spend with your mews. No I'm tired of waiting James, I'm tired of looking like a fool.
James
Well I can't very well give up the play.
Mary
'Course not. Just, come home to me at the end of the day. Rehearse and be home for dinner. No more trips to the country, no more long afternoons in the park. If you can't give us that much of a chance. . . then we must end this. And I will.
Captain Hook
Pitiful display.
James
Nana, Nana. Erm, first you get the pyjamas, then you make the bed.
Nana
With my paws?
James
You make the bed with your paws, the pyjamas you get with your teeth. Because, in fact, being a dog, you haven't any proper digits, have you?
Nana
Well I don't have any teeth either. I mean, I can't see, I can't breathe. All I've got is this rubbery snout.
James
Can we get him some teeth?
Charles
He can have mine.
James
We'll get you teeth. Let's have a wee break, shall we?
Nana
Okay.
Smee
I though you were wonderful.
Captain Hook
You were marvellous.
Smee
I think you're better on four legs that you are on two.
Captain Hook
Absolutely.
Nana
Oh give it a rest.
Smee